Self-Limiting Beliefs and Where They Come From....

By: Aaron Schmidt

For many men, a big reason they're not attracting the type of women they want to date is because of their self-limiting beliefs. 

Self-limiting beliefs usually develop during the period of time an individual is maturing, often when they're a child or teenager; though self-limiting beliefs can begin at any age, and can hold us back from achieving and experiencing the things we want and deserve in life.

To best conquer a self-limiting belief, one must first identify it. Here are the most frequent self-limiting beliefs:

• Family - Perhaps the most common cause, family is a large source of self-limiting beliefs. Our views are molded at an early age, and whether good or bad, we now adopt what we experienced (or were told) as children, applying these values to our current lives. For instance, if a person grows up with a father who holds the belief women should only cook, clean the house, and have kids, any child raised in this household will probably adopt a similar mindset, especially if the mother stays at home to cook, clean, and have babies. A young girl growing up in this household (who buys into this idea) would be limiting herself by believing this, for instead of going to college and making herself completely independent of others, she would believe her only path into adulthood is to marry, stay at home and have children.  

•Popular Culture – Whether through the news outlets, movies or music, popular culture shapes our thoughts and beliefs, even into adulthood. A prime example is how the romantic comedy movie genre lures men into thinking that being a sweet, well-mannered, sensitive guy is the best way to attract a desirable woman. And if you've ever tried to be one of these men, you know that acting in such a way will (at best) land you in the friend zone.

• Religion – There's nothing wrong with religion, and we're all free to believe what we wish, but speaking from experience, religion can cause significant self-limiting beliefs. For me, at a fairly young age, I was taught that sex was somehow bad, and it was a sin to think sexual thoughts. Because of this, I felt shame; shame to tell a woman how I felt and embarrassment toward the prospect of expressing myself in a sexual way. This shame held me back for a lot of years, and I only started to get past it with the help of my first girlfriend (while attending college).

• Friends – Those you most often spend your time with will mold your mindset. If you hang out with a bunch of guys who don't have any dating skills and waste their time complaining about how foolish women are, you'll most likely have a mind swimming with negative thoughts. On the other hand, if you spend time with a group of guys who enjoy and appreciate women, you'll have a much better outlook toward females, and chances are, women will react more favorably toward you.

• Bullies – It's amazing how many of us were bullied at one point in our life. Aside from having to experience the emotional (and sometimes physical) pain, a bully can also inflict its victim with self-limiting beliefs. For example, if a bully tells you things that make you feel inferior, you could very well develop self-esteem issues; and when this happens, a number of things could result, including shyness and worrying about not being liked for whom one truly is.

• Advice from Women – If you've got a sister, female cousins, or female friends, chances are, at some point in your life, you were given advice on girls. And surprisingly, the majority of the time, this information isn't at all useful, because it's usually based on the ideals the media sets forth. And although these females are genuinely trying to help us when they offer us this advice, they're filling out brains with inconsistent, useless information.

• Past Girlfriends – Whom we date and the experiences we have plays a large role in our self-limiting beliefs. For example, if a former love criticizes us or treats us in a negative way and we don't stick up for ourselves, we could very well develop self-esteem issues. And when this happens, the girlfriend typically loses any and all respect she has for her boyfriend and the relationship tends to end quickly.

To some degree, we all have self-limiting beliefs. This is one of the reasons why I'm a huge fan of quality dating programs; I believe these systems can help us overcome these internal obstacles. For example, when I studied Mark Manson's MPN program, I was able to identify some lingering negative feelings I still had regarding my first girlfriend (she had dumped me for a friend of mine). Once I realized I still held onto these beliefs, I was able to confront them and then replace them with more positive, accurate ideals.

Self-limiting beliefs not only directly affect our dating lives, but nearly other aspect of our existence—including our thoughts on money, family, and what we do with our free time.

If you're unhappy with any aspect(s) of your life, I advise you write down your self-limiting beliefs. Then look at the list and ask yourself if these beliefs are helping or hurting you. If they're not making your life better, you must make a shift in your principles and the way you're currently thinking. This can be done by seeking a professional (such as a counselor or psychiatrist), or by utilizing a quality program (as mentioned, I recommend the Mark Manson MPN program).

I welcome your thoughts on the subject of self-limiting beliefs. If interested, send me an e-mail at aaronschmidtwrites@gmail.com

Respectfully Yours,
Aaron

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